I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize