i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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