Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
