WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
we should paint friendship bongs
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