I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize