Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
