soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
