We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
