Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
