I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
