You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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