see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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