dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
