he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
