You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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