OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
