I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
