the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
