The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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