He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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