The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
