$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
