I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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