I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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