That's when you crack a 10am beer
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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