I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize