1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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