So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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