It's like God shit irony all over that family
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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