Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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