I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
