Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
