I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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