Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
as a side note pls kill me
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
