I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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