We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
