Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
