your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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