five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
