your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
apparently the secret to your success is patron
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
