I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
