Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
