...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
