How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My vagina just clenched in fear
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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