alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
