so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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