i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
