Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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