i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
