just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
