No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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