having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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