My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
