I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
