i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
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