That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
