o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You smell like stripper and shame
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
