Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
