Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
