he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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