Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize