Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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