Kareoke will never be a sober sport
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
