I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
