Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
If that was your dad, he is hot
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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