Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
